You Are Not Alone
When I was 19 years old I hid knives and a noose under my bed. Each day I would pull them out to test if that day would be the day I had the guts to do it. I would go back and forth between using the fan in my room or the shower rod. I'd even tie it up and yank to make sure it would be sturdy enough...
This isn't something I like to share very often on my social media, because I don't want to hurt my loved ones, but I believe I have to because it's the truth.
I had a lot of pain and anger inside. The most frustrating part of it all? I wasn't even entirely sure where it was coming from. How in the world could someone save me or even me save myself for that matter when I didn't even have a clear view of what was causing my pain??
I never went through with my plan. Not because of any magical thing that happened or because of some magic epiphany I had, it was mostly because I didn't want to hurt my family. I lived with that anger and pain for a long long time and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't still creep its ugly head back in every now and then.
Last night I went to a show put on by This Is My Brave Boston. This is an organization that is fighting to remove the stigma from mental illness. Did you know that 1 in 4 people suffer from something? You aren't alone, people just tend to not talk about it because of fear of being judged. I thank god every single day that I didn't take my own life, accidentally take someone else's or anything like that...by the grace of God that didn't happen.
I guess I'm sharing this because I want others to know they are not alone, I also want them to know that things can get better. Reaching out is the first step. I am here for anyone of you who feel like I did. I am not a therapist and I personally may not be able to help you, but I can certainly point you in the right direction and be there by your side ❤️
Whether you see it now or not, you have a purpose and you were meant to be here.
In case you are reading this and don't know where to turn. Try these sites.